Follically failed and fat, comically challenged Paul was born in Essex but was obliged to leave because he could not walk like a chicken and his IQ of 74 was three points too high for the council estate he lived on.

Paul enjoys adding to the legacy of the reverend Spooner and can often be seen "stinking himself into a drooper" but never "scribbling notes". Paul has enormous respect for the Spoonerising Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (their daughter is Shiloh Pitt).

Paul works in Lidl and, because of his exceptional interpersonal skills, is required to work in the warehouse. He hopes that one day he'll be allowed to water the plant displays, mould plasticine (without qualified supervision) and possibly run with plastic scissors.

Paul likes cars, music, hifi equipment, flogging stuff on e-bay, hugging trees that talk to him, hates innuendo, double entendre and irony but enjoys tongue in cheek, keeping his iron in the fire and his fingers in pies. He also loves drumming!